GABRIEL SHANKS: It's not even really a movie, in some way.

JC: No. It's just some mediocre performances, with some dances, and some talk in between.

WHO:	Mixed Reviewers Jill Cozzi and Gabriel Shanks
WHAT:	A meeting-of-the-minds over a steaming hot cup of New York's finest
HOW:	Sugar-free vanilla breve lattes
WHERE:	Starbucks on Union Square East

GS: It doesn't connect thematically. And it doesn't have an ending.  You know the criticism of The Return of the King that it has five endings?  It should lend one or two of them to THE COMPANY.

JC: Right.

GS: Everything that is supposed to be (and I use this term loosely) a 'plot point' is just stereotypical performing-arts movie tripe. (Warning, readers, there are spoilers ahead. - Ed.) I mean, Neve's just had her heart broken by the hot lead dancer, and then finds a hot new boyfriend who doesn't dance...he's the normal one, right? And not once, but twice, dancers break their legs --

JC: But then it doesn't go anywhere and it doesn't drive the plot. It doesn't have any relevance. And the dancers are all faceless and interchangeable.

GS: The first dancer who breaks her leg...we've never met her before in the film! And when Neve breaks her leg or whatever, it's totally inconsequential. The last line in the movie is, "No, I've just pulled it, I'll be fine."  She doesn't even seem to be upset that she's out of the big premiere. Everyone's forgotten that she was even in it, they've put someone else in who's great. And...roll credits.  Even the way I've just described it is more dramatic than it actually is in the movie.

JC: Don't stop there.

GS: The dancing ranges from good to awful. The motifs are sledgehammer heavy; they play "My Funny Valentine" over and over and over and over...

JC: Neve Campbell lives in one of those fictitious New York apartments that are enormous and beautiful, with the lovely gardens.

GS: Her fellow dancers are piled on top of each other sharing an efficiency, six or seven of them sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor, but she can somehow afford the palatial place. But of course, it's meant to be a rough existence, because of what?

JC: The train! Outside her window.

GS: What a cliche.

JC: But she's missing Bruno the dog to bark at the train.

GS: Ah, yes...if this movie only had an ounce of the imagination of The Triplettes of Belleville in it.

JC: I loved that movie. But THE COMPANY has no narrative; the story doesn't go anywhere. The only character you care about at all is the James Franco character, and that's because he's too good to be true. He's gorgeous, he's a chef...a man who can cook...

GS: But he doesn't have a lot of dialogue, so you don't know if he loves her...it's weird, suddenly they're just together...

JC: She never even introduces him to her parents. What was that all about?

GS: Well you don't know because that's all that we see. You know he forgives her for abandoning him on New Year's Eve only because he shows up with flowers...and walks through the curtain call, which would never be allowed even at a community theatre, much less at the Joffrey Ballet.

JC: What do you think Altman was trying to prove here?

GS: Did Altman take it just for the money?  Is that too crass to say publicly?

JC: We should ask Stephen Himes of the Filmsnobs.

GS: Ooo, yes! He hates Altman.

JC: We should email him and ask him to review THE COMPANY, so we can laugh through his review.

GS: He'll hate it, because this film has everything about Altman that people who detest his films hate: it meanders, there's no narrative, the characters are vague...

JC: At least in Gosford Park, there were three or four characters you could follow for a story trajectory. And Gosford Park also had a clever screenplay. Like The Player. The pitch scene in The Player is classic. Ah well...as far as dance pictures go, it's somewhat more interesting, because you do see an entire performance rather than a lot of cutting and editing. Not so much Center Stage, but you know, like other crappy dance movies...

GS: Center Stage is a crappy dance movie, and this one ripped off Center Stage! Ick! The Joffrey Ballet is one of the great dance companies in the world, but they're not showcased especially well here. You don't see what it so special about the Joffrey in particular. The opening sequence feels like such a Merce Cunningham ripoff, it doesn't really flow at all.

JC: I don't understand why it was so important to turn the volume up on the speakers on the floor, so that every number sounded like it was being danced by elephants.

GS: Because Altman is trying to make you feel like you're a part of it, to hear the feet...in the dances, he put the camera right in the middle of the dance. He wants you to know what it's like to be a part of the company. But there's no company there to be inside of. We don't know anything about any of the dancers except Neve Campbell. Nothing at all. The film is called THE COMPANY, but what about this company are we supposed to connect with? Do they have lives?  Do they have girlfriends?  Does Malcolm MacDowall have children?  Is he single?

JC: Is he gay?  This may be the straightest dance company in America. Face it -- the movie doesn't work, the plot doesn't work, the screenplay doesn't work, the characters don't work, and the dance is mostly mediocre.  There are, to be fair, two lovely numbers in the film.

GS: The pas de deux that Neve Campbell dances after she's risen to the lead role...

JC: Like 42nd Street and every other dance movie ever made. It is beautifully, beautifully done, though.

GS: And then there's that solo dance...

JC: On a swing rope. But it looks very much like one of the numbers from Cirque De Soleil's Varekai. It doesn't look very original, and from overhead it looks like an Estee Lauder perfume commercial.

GS: The pas de deux is choreographed by Lar Lubovitch, and it's great to see his work being preserved and getting out to a larger audience. The second one is by a Quebecois choreographer named Robert Desrosiers, and it's...I just think it's wretched. A Muppet Show version of creation myths.

JC: Yeah...the set just overpowers everything. It looks like Jabba the Hut devouring all the dancers. If you want to see good dance, there are million dance videos that can show you. It's not worth sitting through this movie for.

GS: We definitely support going to your local ballet company and buying a ticket. Save the money you were going to spend on Robert Altman, and go to your local ballet.

JC: If you absolutely must see a cheesy dance movie because you love backstage stories, then rent 42nd Street, rent Center Stage, rent A Chorus Line, if you're feeling snarky, rent All That Jazz.

GS: Rent The Red Shoes. There are many better movies.

JC: That's it, exactly.