"Every life is a riddle," Father Alex Bernier (Heath Ledger) intones in an opening narration to 2003's enigmatic THE ORDER. The riddle to this movie is why it fell so flat when it had such promise.

Was there a better time in recent memory for a film to propose an alternative to the ancient principle that "outside the church, there is no salvation"? At its heart, THE ORDER is a mini-revival of the idea of sin-eating -- that one person may, through arcane arts, remove and take on the sins of even the unrepentant. THE ORDER's sin-eater (Benno Fürmann), for all of his faults, comes into his post for love, has marvelous taste, is dishy, and hits just the right notes as a world-weary philosopher. By contrast, the Vatican's elite is shown to be irredeemably, almost cartoonishly, corrupt.

Sin-eating, shown with scads of special effects for the unimaginative ("Can we rotate that soul 30 degrees clockwise? Ohh, that venal sin looks like a liver spot"), is the way of the world. People do terrible things for their bosses. Bosses insulate themselves from wrong-doing, and even knowledge of culpability. So many men and women do bad so that others may remain pure, from Enron to the Vatican to the armed forces to the White House to our million little homes and shops.

Helgeland wants us to spend time with his two-dimensional characters, and marvel at his muddy sets and over-the-top effects. I wanted him to spend time letting his premise unfold. The forbidden romance between the good Father Alex and an escaped flower-painting mental patient (Shannyn Sossamon)? I care not. A Third Age of Darkness brought about by a rogue Cardinal who wants to be the Antichrist? Piffle. What is this, the End of Days?

"For now, I hold the keys to the kingdom of heaven"? "There are wonders in the Abyss"? "The greatest truth is that love does not last"? Tell me more. The day that Alex spends following the Sin-Eater around (kind of like Career Day for apostates) had more substance than the rest of this "thriller" combined. Hints of John Milton's pro-Satanic Paradise Lost rose and lingered throughout Sin-Eater training, and I wondered how far and against what powers Father Alex would be willing to rebel.

Then we were back to insipid priest-meets-girl, sidekick (Mark Addy) -meets-Antichrist. Zzzzzz. My dear Brian Helgeland, lack of originality is a sin. Eat it.

-- Martin Scribbs

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